When the Lord was creating truck drivers, he was into his sixth day of overtime when an angel appeared and said, "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And the Lord said, "Have you read the spec on this order?"

A truck driver has to be able to drive 10-12 hours per day, through any type of weather, on any type of road, know the hiway traffic laws of 48 states and 10 provinces, he has to be ready and able to unload 40,000 lbs of cargo after driving thru the night, sleep in areas of cities that the police refuse to patrol ....please read the whole story.........

He has to be able to live in his truck 24 hours a day 7 days a week for weeks on end, offer first aid and motorist assistance to his fellow travelers, meet just in time schedules, and still maintain an even and controlled composure when all around him appear to have gone mad." "

He has to be in top physical condition at all times, running on black coffee and half eaten meals; he has to have six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said, "six pair of hands....no way." It's not the hands that are causing me problems," said the Lord. "It's the three pairs of eyes a driver has to have." That's on the standard model?" asked the angel.

The Lord nodded. "One pair that sees the herd of deer in the thickets 3 miles away" "Another pair here in the side of his head for the blind spots that motorists love to hide in; and another pair of eyes that can look reassuringly at the bleeding victim of a drunk driver that crashed into his ICC bumper at 70MPH and say," "You'll be all right ma'am, when he knows it isn't so."

"Lord," said the angel, touching his sleeve, "rest and work tomorrow." "I can't," said the Lord, "I already have a model that can drive 650 miles a day, without incident and can raise a family of five without ever seeing them, on 30 cents a mile."

The angel circled the model of the truck driver very slowly, "can't it think?" she asked. "You bet," said the Lord. "It can tell you the elements of every HAZMAT load invented; recite Federal Motor Carrier Regulations rules and regs in his sleep; deliver, pickup, be a father, offer timely advice to strangers, search for missing children, defend a woman's or children's rights, get 8 hours of good rest on the street and raise a family of law respecting citizens, without ever going home....and still it keeps its sense of humor."

"This driver also has a phenominal personal control. He can deal with delivery and pickup created from scenes painted in hell, coax a lumper to actually work for his money, comfort an accident victim's family, and then read in the daily paper how truck drivers are nothing more than killers on wheels and have no respect for the rights of others while using the nations highways.

"Finally", the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek of the driver. "There's a leak," she pronouced. "I told you that you were trying to put too much into this model."

"That's not a leak," said the Lord. "It's a tear." "What's the tear for?" asked the angel. "It's for bottled up emotions, for fallen comrades, for commitment to that funny piece of cloth called the flag, for justice, for the family without its father."

"You're a genius," said the angel. The Lord looked somber. "I didn't put it there."

by an unknown Author

I was just skipping around and saw a thread over on another forum that got my interest. I don't ever recall seeing a woman wearing a dress while driving a rig, but ...

... there was that really warm night 10 or so years ago when I was working midnight and was bored, so I set up to work some radar and this tractor trailer goes by just a flying, was up in the 80s, and I took out after it and stopped it and found this really drop dead gorgeous blonde getting out the drivers side with log book and permit book wearing a pair of cut off "Daisey Duke" style jean shorts and a red halter top! She met me at the rear of the trailer, so I let her sit in the car while I "did my duty" (yeah, I wrote it), and she casually mentioned that she was just making up time after spending the whole evening working on her back. I stopped writing and looked over her way, scarcely believing what I heard and she looked up ... and said "No, not that!, I had to fix my crossover line. I have coveralls, and all" then she showed me the grease still accumulated under her fingernails where she hadn't gotten it all out. I believe her, it was just "how it sounded".

... then there was that time up at a local gas station where it was like 90 degrees and a buddy and I were taking a break when we saw this car come in and a very attractive young mother of two small children (well, she had two small ones with her??? get out and come in after fueling and she gets a soda, etc, pays for gas, and starts to leave and then turns and comes over to where we are standing there. She's wearing a short skirt type outfit that really fit her well. She asked us if she could ask a question (why do people ask if they canm ask a question when they could save a question by just asking the one they want to ask in the first place??. She wanted to know why some trucks are going slow, and then when she gets up beside them, they speed up and just ride there for miles. I looked at my buddy, he grins, and then I ask her if she's serious?
She said she was, so I told her bluntly "Mam, you are a very atractive young lady, and you are wearing a short skirt, and when you get alongside a truck, the driver can look right down into your vehicle and he sees something he enjoys looking at, after all, he has maybe been on the road for a week or longer."
She blushed, really seemed genuinely embarassed, and I added that if she didn't want that reaction, to wear slacks or drape a lightweight blanket across her lap. She said that she shouldn't have to do that, that truck drivers shouldn't be looking away from the road like that, and I said "You're right, but boys will be boys."
She then adjusted her attitude, and thanked me. She said she never thought of it that way, and then she changed into slacks before she left the station that day.

Take care out there, sorry .... don't have no pics!

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As most of the friends I have made in the Expedite Industry know, I have been Very ill and under Dr.'s care since August 17th, 2005. I am no longer able to drive my truck, thus I am no longer an Owner/Operator. After many suggestions from my friends, I have finally hired a team who will begin operating my unit on January 2, 2006. I am still in the Industry, only in another aspect of the Industry.

I have a new mission and something that I am very dedicated to, My Son and his Educational and Athletic future. This is a very important mission and the benefactor of the mission is my Son Nicholas.
I have an exceptionally talented Son and the mission is securing an Athletic Scholarship to a Division I or II College where he will be able to compete in the NCAA, in the Sports of Cross Country and Track.

Please read my blog, and check out my attached files. These files are my own creation and the mission will be clearly explained. I hope you enjoy what you will read and see. Any suggestions and/or changes you may have will be taken very seriously.

As soon as I figure out how to work this blog, I will be able to post the Pics we have along with Nick's
Athletic resume' and the Powerpoint presentation we have created.

Thank you for your time.

Ken









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Hi all, I was looking through some old stuff I had saved and ran across this little e-mail I recieved several years ago, thought y'all might find it amusing. Author is unknown, it circulated via e-mail all through here.


This is taken from a "Community Policing" question and answer via e-mail forum in California:

The question is: I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to harass people and get away with it? And where can you go for help other than a civil attorney?

And the Reply from a really cool cop was:
It is not easy. In California we average one cop for every 2000 people. About 60% of those cops are on patrol, where we do most of the harassing. One-fifth of that 60% are on duty at any moment and available for harassing people. So, one cop is responsible to harass about 10,000 residents. When you toss in the commercial, business, and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible to harass 20k or more people a day. A ten-hour shift runs 36,000 seconds. This gives a cop one second to harass a person, and three-fourths of a second to eat a donut AND find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. Most cops are not up to it day in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is utilize some tools to help us narrow down those which we harass. They are as follows:

PHONE:
People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbor is beating his wife" is a code phrase we use. Then we come out and give special harassment. Another popular one on a week-night is, "The kids next door are having a party".

CARS:
We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars blasting music, cars with expired registration tabs, and the like. It is lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, are drunk, or have a warrant.

RUNNERS:
Some people take off running just at the sight of a police officer. Nothing is quite as satisfying as running after them like a beagle on the scent of a bunny. When you catch them you can harass them for hours.

CODES:
When you can think of nothing else to do, there are books that give ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called Codes. Penal, Vehicle, Health and Safety, Business and Professions ... They all spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people. After you read the code, you can just drive around for a while until you find someone violating one of these listed offenses and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy smash a car window. Well, the code says that is not allowed. That meant I got to harass this guy.

It is a pretty cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well. I seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it because the good citizens who pay the tab like the fact that we keep the streets safe for them.

Next time you are in my town, give me a single finger wave. That is a signal that you wish for me to take a little closer look at you, and maybe find a reason to harass you.


Looking forward to meeting you!